the reason

this is it.

2009-04-13T03:37:00.005+08:00

i guess it's really over...

LSCT FOC 09/10 was yet another memorable camp, totally reminded me when i was a freshie. first of all, to the GLs (now SGLs), well done!! and i am really proud of you guys! although you guys have only been through 3 AGL trainings, which is really really short to me, but when i see how much you all have grown, i feel so happy for you guys! new batch of GLs are gonna come in soon, it's gonna be another different experience for you all.

secondly, to JIGSAW freshies, love all of you!! hope you all consider to join LSCT society and experience life as a GL. happy to see that you all became closer through this camp!! glad to be the acting freshie for Jigsaw!! keep the JIGSAW SPIRIT ALIVE yea?!

lastly, to my batch people, seriously, i dont know how much to thank you guys, for making my poly life so memorable. all the shit that we have been through, all the stupid things we did, all the fun times together, they are priceless!! thanks huixian for the video that you spent so much time on during camp! when i watched the video, i really really want to be a GL with you guys again! i really miss the times we all spent together, every single moment.
but sadly, this is not gonna happen again. now we are AAGL already!! 3 years in NP is over for us, and somehow, i feel that this is the end of our LSCT GL life. because it's going to be different next year. we are all gonna go our seperate ways. everyone's life is gonna change. i hope we all can still have more outings together!!

i miss being a freshie.
i miss being a GL.
i am gonna miss LSCT GL life.

VARDA 06/07

NERWIN 07/08

JIGSAW 09/10

well, this is it. i'm gonna stop blogging here.
reason being, this marks the end of my poly life. not gonna shut this blog down, shall just leave it as it is. yes, i am thankful for this blog being a part of me for the past 3 years. ok, less than 3 years, but almost.
alright, byebye. =)

time to end this.

2009-03-23T03:44:00.003+08:00

i've decided,
for no apparent reason.
that this blog should hibernate.

to grow.

2009-03-22T14:03:00.004+08:00

the sun,
the seedling,
and the farmer.

wither.
i need to find another way.

miracle.

2009-03-17T02:41:00.003+08:00

let's all perform miracles!

if you got no money,
perform a money miracle,
and money will drop from the sky.

if you are unhappy,
perform a happy miracle,
and happiness will flow into your veins.

if you are black and white,
perform a rainbow miracle,
and you will feel colorful.

if you are feeling hurt,
perform a healing miracle,
and your wounds will close.

just press DON! DON DON!! DON DON!! (x. xx. xx.)

but seriously, some things just cant be helped.
pressing "x. xx. xx." wont help either.
deal, dont dwell?
sometimes its just too hard.
we try, but what if we still cant do it?
heck care?
there are some things that we just cant heck care about it.
scream your lungs out?
but no sound comes out.
laugh over it?
then why do tears flow during the night?
share about it?
everyone has different problems, it's hard to truly understand, unless if they are in the same situation.
sleep and hope for a good dream?
and wake up feeling the same again.
then how?
actually, i really dont know.

but i've learnt something.
i am grateful to have these problems in my life.
these problems suck to the max, i dont want them in my life.
but still, they make me grow.

these problems make me think alot.
they have made me think like never before.
never had i think so much and so deep.

and even though i have thought so much,
the problems are still there!
you see, there are really some things that cant be controlled.
yup, so since i cant do anything about the problems,
i'll just treat these problems like guests/visitors/customers that are super guai lan to the max.
make them feel at home, let them give me hell.
just let them stay for as long as possible.
and the problems will one day leave.
when they leave, i give a big sigh of relief.
and say this to the problems...

THANK YOU & FUCK YOU!!!

and life goes on...

cry

2009-03-15T13:56:00.002+08:00

is it over yet?
can i open my eyes?
is this as hard as it gets?
is this what it feels like to really ___, ___?

right angle.

2009-03-09T03:27:00.004+08:00

a 180 degree change over the past 3 years.

positive to negative,
'always noisy' to 'prefer to shut up',
extrovert to introvert.

the problems i faced,
have changed me too much.
it's so comfortable to bottle things up,
i'm so used to it, that it's difficult to change.

ok, i dont know why i am typing this.
my mind is at work again.
and it always work when i'm alone.
but right now, i really can see how much i have changed.
when i'm with people, i get drained easily and need to recharge after some time.
but last time, it's the other way round.
now, i enjoy thinking and exploring my thoughts and feelings.

right angle,
i'll try.

i'll not let situations change me anymore.
i will make the change,
change to be a better person,
a better son,
a better brother,
a better friend,
to be better in what i love to do.

my lighthouse.

2009-03-06T01:12:00.003+08:00

one day, i will get there.
but when will that day come?

the lighthouse now shines a dim light.
so dim that no ship can see its light from afar.
but the light is still there, just not noticed.
even if just one ship notices the light,
i would be happy.
i'll just keep trying, until that day comes.

i want the light to be noticed, not the lighthouse.

Mp3Raid music code

2009-03-03T04:19:00.003+08:00

If No One Will Listen songs

free music downloads | music videos | lyrics

If No One Will Listen - Kelly Clarkson

time to really grow up!!

2009-02-24T04:07:00.003+08:00

Deal, Dont Dwell.

2009-02-22T23:50:00.003+08:00

childhood favourite!!

just take a spoon and whack the nutella!!! =)

no bread, no spread, nothing.

just nutella and spoon.

not enough money to buy a jar?

just buy the very small version (1 serving).

yes, that satisfaction over the little things when still a little kid.

the small little things like nutella.

i used to get really happy, when i have new things like an eraser...then when i erase something, i will get very happy, because the eraser so good, erase until damn clean.

but now when i buy an eraser, to me it's just an eraser, and there's nothing to be happy about.

even things like new phone etc, it's just a new phone.

that feeling, i just dont feel it anymore.

i've not felt it for a very, very long time.

actually, i really miss the 'me' last time.

i miss alot of things that have happened.

i'm feeling okay with my life now, not that i hate it.

but things have changed too much,

and there's still more to come.

happy but not as happy as last time. =/

birthdays on 20 feb!

2009-02-21T01:42:00.005+08:00

thank you everyone who helped fill up the card with wishes and surprise denyse!
yup, thanks for sacrificing your study time! thanks for rushing down from school even after exam paper ended! surprise was goodz!!

and happy birthday kok siong!!! =D

overall, a great friday!!
but ended with some not so good news...
may have to prepare for the worst,
but hope things stay fine at the same time?

lazy.

2009-02-19T12:57:00.002+08:00

i am too free already!!
everyday just eat, sleep, play game, shake legs and watch movies.
i am becoming damn lazy already!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
super super lazy.
lazy to go cut hair, lazy to go start washing machine, lazy to go down buy food to eat, lazy to pack my room and throw away all my notes that i dont need anymore.
yea, ultimate lazy life!!
and i feel damn unhealthy now.
you know last time i attachment that time, feel damn healthy, even when i shit, i also feel good.
but now, i shit really feel like shit.

everyone,
study hard for exams!!!
and i need find job soon.

2009-02-15T12:20:00.002+08:00

life and death,
babies born, people die.
some are allowed to live as long as a ripe age of 80 plus or even more.
some only get to live for a few minutes.
and there are some that dont even get their first breath.

have you ever wondered about the choices you made in life?
what would happen if you were to make a dfiferent choice?
maybe things could have changed if you did this instead of that.

but whatever it is,
this week itself, taught me another thing.
we got to treasure and cherish the ones that we love.
yes, heard that a million of times!
but somehow, this statement only strikes us hard when someone leaves us.
still, let's try to treasure our loved ones.

but more importantly, be proud and treasure the life that you have now.
be grateful that we are all still breathing, able to walk, talk, dance :), and do many more things.
because there are people out there, who are not as lucky as us.
there are people out there who only have a few days/months/years to live,
but they make full use of what they have and they are happy.
let's not think about how much time we have left,
let us think about how wonderful we can make our present life be.

jordan, my nerwin freshie.

2009-02-13T22:49:00.003+08:00

everyone wants that miracle to happen.
i also want to see jordan regain consciousness,
but we must all be prepared.
that we may never get to see him back at his feet again.
because chances of patients announced brain dead to regain consciousness,
is near impossible.

i am not being negative.
sometimes, it is not about the faith.
we just got to learn to be realistic,
and learn to accept.

it's hard for everyone, especially his family members.
but you know,
i believe jordan would be damn happy because he knows that everyone cares for him so much.

unofficially graduated.

2009-02-11T13:00:00.002+08:00

"cell culture is an art"

nb! this sentence super inspiring.
lucky to have such an encouraging and nice external examiner.

yay! FYP's over!! =D

2009-02-09T02:27:00.002+08:00

yes, thinking about tuesday...
it's really driving me nuts!!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
just feel like screaming my lungs out,
turning into a monster boss,
and kill this 2 people that i really feel like killing.

ok, i really am going crazy.
tuesday, i cant stop thinking about it.
is a day to look forward,
yet it could be a day that i never wish would come.

wait! it's tomorrow!!!
ok, i must calm down, and tell myself everything will be ok.

SHUTUP!!!
HOW TO TELL MYSELF TO CALM DOWN?!

stressed and pissed.

2009-02-07T12:30:00.002+08:00

yesterday was a really bad day,
1) screwed up internal presentation...
what's worse is, WHY TELL US OUR PROBLEMS WITH THE GRAPHS NOW WHEN YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US WAY BEFORE WHEN WE HANDED UP OUR REPORT LIKE LAST SEMESTER?!
yes, super pissed about it.

2) my bag kana wet paint. damn it la!

3) i walked for about 45 minutes trying to find far east square, and i got damn lost, hot and tired because my bag was damn heavy with my laptop inside. i walked from chinatown mrt to outram park mrt...walked back, walked one whole damn big round until i dont know where i was. in the end, i took a cab. yea, and because of what happened earlier, i was scolding in my heart ,"nbcb! where's the place?!!"

yes, but post production party really made me feel much much much better. =)

parents.

2009-02-04T15:26:00.002+08:00

to the 2 most important people in my life...
you guys just dont know how much pain you have brought to the ones around you.
maybe you both dont realise it,
you may think that it doesnt concern me or others,
because it's your 'adult' thing,
but seriously, it hurts seeing the situation you both are in.

...

i just want to dance.

2009-02-02T00:52:00.008+08:00

yiu!

bo!

yiu & bo classes!!!

enjoyed both their classes alot!

learnt something after attending their classes,

must learn to relax and let go.

dont know why everytime got camera or people watching, will always forget steps.

yes! must learn to relax.

and i dont know why, when i look at myself in the mirror, i always feel that my posture sucks to the core.

ok, my confidence level like very low.

feeling sian after friday's medical checkup. pes A. =/

i feel it, my time's coming already. soon...very soon. i feel it, damn!

LOL! i sound like i'm going to die.

i just want to dance.

"it's not so bad."

yes, trying to convince myself.
but still...

dad.

2009-01-25T18:41:00.002+08:00

dad's back!
attachment ended!
dance classes has resumed! =)

i want to show my love.
but i just dont know how to.
how to talk, how to express, how to share, how to close the gap.

it's tough.

happy cny everyone!! =)

putting the pieces together.

2009-01-20T01:55:00.003+08:00

well, this is it.
going through the most difficult phase of my life so far.
there will be more to come.
and it's not gonna be easy...
putting the pieces together,
healing,
finding myself,
what i truly desire,
i guess i really am on my own.
i am weak...too weak.

i need to learn how to believe.

i need you.

2009-01-07T22:44:00.003+08:00

if it's a curse,
can it be broken?

if there is a choice,
can i choose?

if it is fated,
must i accept it?

i fell into the hole, i'm trapped.
i want to get out, but i've got no solutions left.
till now, nothing has changed.
i try to climb out, i fall again and again.
each time, suffering more wounds.

but there is the light,
why cant i follow it?
am i afraid?
or is it my faith?

i need to find the way,
and heal.
it will take some time.

*puts blog on silent mode.

i told myself, that 2009 will be a year of Change.

2009-01-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

no life, but like fun.

and i realised, that my attachment left 3 weeks only.

after that, i dont have to wake up early everyday anymore. =)

but then, damn!! FYP final presentation.

nb! LSCT just doesnt want their students to be spared until they graduate hur??

tmd! make their students feel so happy when they go attachment after having such a torturing semester full of projects and assignments with FYP. then when they come back from attachment, then kill them again with the presentation. knnbccb!! =X

-_____-

time to get new shoes man.

happy 2009!!!

2009-01-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2009 EVERYONE!!!
it's a brand new year!!
so, let's make this new year better than 2008!

i enjoyed 2008!!
thanks to everyone of you!!
every moment spent with you guys, i enjoyed and treasured them all.
2009 is here,
things are gonna continue changing.
my life is gonna change, graduating & NS. =(
but you know, i still want to dance and improve,
not alone,
but with NRA!!
i hope the bond gets stronger, so strong until is like some kind of glass that doesnt break.

***you know i watched some show today, the glass they make never break one leh, the person melt the glass rod and pull both ends then the middle is one thin fine thread of glass. and it never break at all, and it's said to be many times stronger than steel.

=))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

night cycling!

2008-12-28T16:26:00.002+08:00

night cycling was fun!!
although the journey to changi village was draggy,
but the journey back was the best!!
everyone chionging back at full speed,
peddling like hell,
enjoying the cool breeze smacking our faces,
with our butts all sore.
we machiam like vampire like that, all need to chiong back before sunrise.

thank you chin for organizing this event for everyone!!!
and thank you irwin for the food!!!

ok, my butt is so pain until i dont feel like shitting.
and...2008 is ending soon. =(

2008-12-26T19:43:00.002+08:00

1 week after danzation already.
i feel the post production syndrome especially on sunday, monday and tuesday.
but now i am feeling better.

and christmas this year was really fun!!
i remember past few years christmas all stay home day.
forgot whether last year got go out or not,
but this year is memorable.

wednesday, christmas eve.
half day!!! shiok, although not as shiok as full day leave,
but still, shiok!
at night went cine go watch movie with yew, xiangtian, may, trecia, alene, limin, christine, kok, mia, melise, shufang, and summer.
i never missed out anyone hor?
yah, long time never watch movie already!! watched Bedtime stories. at first when mia tell me say watching that movie, i thought it was a horror movie.
because bedtime stories ma, then can link to all sorts of horror movie shit.
for those who dont know, i get damn paranoid after watching a horror movie.
after movie, and supper, supposed to watch christmas lights,
but nabei, so many people spray spray spray.
yah, so may wanted to go home, we all go her house visit.
thanks may for inviting us over!!
supposed to ton the night, but in the end, i KO. haha!! cant help it leh, my sleeping habit changed ever since attachment started. cannot ton at all. i only can stay awake maximum 2am. after that, sure close eyes one. i think 4am when still watching 'Honey', my eyes already cui. it's like you want to open your eyes, but cannot open big big, but you want to close your eyes, but you want to open your eyes big big.
then in the morning, went home and sleep.
after that wake up, get ready for christmas party at yuxin's house!!
wahh, her house damn big!! got lift also!! the minute i stepped into the lift, i damn high!!!
then got buffet also, everyone chiong the food like mad. haha!
then exchange gift, i got beckie's present!! thanks!!
went home close to midnight cause next day attachment. =(
imagine if boxing day in singapore is public holiday, i sure ton one.

this year's christmas, i like!! =)
cant wait for tomorrow!! woohoo!

danzation 2008 is over!

2008-12-21T11:30:00.008+08:00

danzation 2008 is over!!
sad that no more rehearsals, but happy that i can spend more time with my loved ones.
there will not be another danzation 2008 anymore.
when i woke up this morning, my life felt so damn empty.
then i saw a bowl of tang yuan that my mum made.
and i knew she made in the morning, because when i came home last night, got no tang yuan.
seriously super touched!!

yes, i want to thank my friends, my mum, sister and cousin for coming down to watch.
happy that they all enjoyed the production!!

i am grateful that this time i got more items, although my performance for all items never hit perfect, but i tried my best. still can be better one, but just need more time.

bboy item - seriously, when i first saw the danzation item list and when i saw my name in bboy, i was like O___O. because i not into bboy at all, and also i cant bboy for nuts. but thanks jon for teaching me that bboy can be so damn fun and enjoyable!! i really enjoyed every practise, because is damn enjoyable.

junchao item - tmd!! bout ta bubble damn freaking tiring, especially the chorus!! and the chorus took me 3 weeks to get the steps right. -____- but still, thanks for putting me into your item although not close to you, but i really like your choreo.

orange item - at first when i never see my name in your item, got abit sad. but you know, when you tell me you put me in your item, i shocked dao. but seriously, i love your choreo, enjoy to the max. everytime i listen to 'when i grow up', i think of myself as the super most handsome guy. =)) but actually i am la. =x

ken item - i seriously up till now, still dont know how to full out your item. because, i only do the first part and the partnerwork. but your item got remind me of the things i need to work on, even after danzation is over.

shimin & joyce item - seriously, i enjoy this item also. although got alot alot alot of formations to remember, then need to run here and there, but still the steps really taught me about accent. my accent still sucks la. LOL!!

zi xiang item - i enjoy krump! although at first, i like super no feel. maybe it's because i dont dare to let out the feel. but slowly, somehow, when everyone just let it out, i just let it out too. i love the sessions, cause really got the feel. will never forget the krump ceremony, super funny!!

SIM item - i feel honoured to dance with you guys. because you guys damn creative, opening item is so different and nice. really enjoyed the time spent with you guys!! although only know each other for a short period of time, but still it's been a great time!!!

still got many many people i want to thank!!

huiting - bboy partner!! yes i know i like super lazy to practise with you but seriously happy for you because your freeze keeps getting better and better. yes, and i feel bad for the 2nd night performance cause miscue. sorry!!

jamie lim - thank you for helping me with my cracked toe nail. without your help seriously, i dont know whether i can chiong both days performances!!

limin - thank you for the card. at first when you ask me to pick a card, i got blur dao. and i where got look like kok sheng?? LOL!

shufang - thank you for writing the christmas card. you really took the time to write for so many people. even though when everyone is so busy backstage during rehearsals, i still see you write your hands off. everyone loves you shufang!!!

shimin - no mo qi de partner. seriously, no mo qi at all. LOL! seriously, i dont know what to say la, seriously no mo qi at all.

yew - i still remember that time. thanks for teaching and helping me out with SIM item, you know that one step which i got damn gan chiong. =D

ivan - i am glad to be your quick change partner!!

may & christine - thank you for the notes!!!!

ok la ok la, still feel super tired. but actually, i want to thank alot of people, for all the small little things you all do for me. yes, every single small things that made my happiness bar go up!!
yes, i want go rest more!!

and AHHH!!! yesterday i cried!! after curtain call and finale, i felt damn happy!! so happy that my tears just flow out. tmd!! i also shocked when i cry because i can really feel everyone's happiness and love. yes, i cried also because i know i am going to miss danzation 2008!!

overall, i am proud to be in NRA because i love dancing together with all of you, and i am proud to be a part of danzation 2008!!! =D
yes, i wanna keep dancing and improving, dont want to stop.

let's rock the stage!!

2008-12-19T01:50:00.002+08:00

the BIG day is here!!!
the show starts in less than 24 hours!!

DANZATION 2008!!!
CAN YOU FEEL IT?!
yes, i feel it! damn excited!! =D

but you know, danzation will be damn good!!
it will be killer!!
but right now, we must not kill the audience one by one.
we must make danzation a GENOCIDE!!
one shot kill everyone in convention centre.
like you know, hitler's concentration camp?

we have all come so far, worked hard for the past 3 months.
this is the final phase.
yes, showtime!!
everyone has gone through different kinds of shit through this entire journey,
but let's just leave whatever shitty aside,
and show our loved ones, be it family or friends etc,
that all the late night homes, and lack of time spent together were all worth it.

but our morale cannot low low one.
it's time to get damn HIGH!!
i feel that we all did a damn good job,
just that our morale now has to be damn high,
then the entire convention stage would be DA BOMB when we performing later.
you know why?

because we got dope lighting,
speakers are like damn huge and good,
videos are super well done,
actors are better than mediacorp actors,
we got a damn dope danzation commitee!!
both external guests' and internal choreo all done good good!!

everyone is tired,
both physically and mentally,
but we must think,
when everything in danzation is so damn good,
WHERE GOT TIME TO BE TIRED? =)
so yes, my main point is we must high, like damn high, high until like surpass anything high.
you know, GOD MODE!!!

so, JIAYOU EVERYONE!!!
we can do this, because of the faith and the love!! =)

sorry.

2008-12-15T00:04:00.002+08:00

i am sorry...

for all the stupid things i did or said,
for irritating anyone and making them pissed off,
for being such a lousy friend/brother/person,
for being such a burden,
for screwing up so much,

overall, i get an AD for being a useless person.

really sorry.
maybe is i tired or think too much, but right now, i dont think so.
i keep reminding myself,
but then the next minute, i find myself doing the opposite.
yes, deep down in my heart, to everyone and anyone whom i have done or said that made you guys unhappy, i am sorry.
i feel alone, i feel like i got no friends, i feel like many people hate me, i feel that nobody cares about me.

2008-12-11T01:18:00.002+08:00

8 more days to Danzation!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
but really, i feel damn super unprepared for it.
custome still havent finish get everything,
my november salary depleting like fuck. =X
my head is damn messy,
it makes me really pissed off.
my face is damn cui now, pimples keep growing.
i starting to dislike attachment.
i hate to wake up at 6.30am from monday to friday.
i hate this tired feeling,
but still, i love rehearsals.
i feel damn tired during attachment, like super sleepy.
on my way to school, i also feel damn sleepy.
but once i enter the studio, i just dont feel sleepy and tired anymore.

ok, i am blogging because i want to blog.
but now i am going to sleep already.
FRIDAY FASTER COME!!
i want my weekends again!

shopppppingggg.

2008-12-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

walau, i tell you.
where do all the ladies get their energy from when it comes to shopping???
anyway, today was 'shopping for costume' day.
yes, the only day i am free to get costume is today.
shop until legs want to break already.
shop quite alot, but still got a few more things need to get. lucky still got tomorrow.

now i really love my birthday the number.
7!!!
it's a damn good number,
so good until you should buy 4D, 7777!!
just buy, dont hesitate.
because it's either you win or lose. dont talk about probability.
all i can say is, the uncle me and chee cheng bought our jeans from is damn good!!
i will confirm abuse the membership card. but must have money then can abuse la.

and chee cheng is actually damn aunty one. =/

2 weeks.

2008-12-06T01:11:00.002+08:00

in 2 weeks time, it will be showtime.
no time to think too much,
13 days to get things right.

not being negative here,
but it's time to be realistic.
instead of using 'more', i shall remind myself the word 'left'.
time to reduce worry, but increase stress.
good one of course.

breaking the boundaries.

recently alot of people also injured.
even i myself also injured, but not serious.
lucky my head made of steel.
i thought i was going to die on thursday night,
like being rushed to hospital with head bleeding profusely,
then conscious but cant think properly, dont know what's going on that kind,
then when reach hospital, do x-ray, then found out that my skull cracked,
then before doctor can do anything,
i die. =X

ok, my imagination not bad.
take care everyone!! those who are already injured, heal fast.

feeling good!

2008-11-30T15:39:00.002+08:00

yesterday's full run made me really happy.
but before that, i was feeling like...

shit
demoralised
thinking too much
and many more
tortilla chips, difficult to accent plus the small little mistakes i always make.
orange item, solo...legs turn jelly, lost control, nervous, try to confident abit but keep failing.
SIM item, cannot get that 1 step right. although only learnt it like 3 days ago, but then i just cannot take my time when Danzation is nearing. keep doing it slowly, but still, my coordination sucks.
stiff, totally cannot relax, both mind and body.

after that whole day of shit feelings accumulated, i was feeling really like a shit.
yar, but then yesterday's full run really made me felt much better. it's like abit of a morale booster session with everyone.
seeing everyone giving their best, really makes you want to join them too and give it all you can.
then when you give your best with everyone else in the same item, you feel shiok.

tomorrow is december already!!
let's all chiong!!! to those having CTs, study hard too!
to all those who have to wake up damn early from monday to friday like me, try to sleep hard too!

ok, i got to rush my interim report. deadline is this week!
but i got no time to do it from monday to saturday.
so today, i'm going to finish it, at least 70% of it.
sorry, i got to skip opening item.

and i am totally loving my sony nwz-a826!! =)

yes ah!

2008-11-29T00:10:00.003+08:00

yes! i am finally a happy boy. =)

pay day pay day pay day.

2008-11-26T04:21:00.003+08:00

money not enough!!
damn! and now alot of things need to pay.
ahhhh, i foresee myself eating $2.50 chai fan meal every lunch.
FASTER!! PAY DAY FASTER COME!!
next tuesday, next tuesday, next tuesday. i hope...
trying really hard to budget and save, because i want buy alot of things.

eh, i am shocked.
it's my 7th week of attachment already.
and 3 more weeks to Danzation!!!
excited or not, everyone??
but then, i still feel unprepared for it. =(
jiayou everyone!!

dance is like cooking?

2008-11-23T23:33:00.002+08:00

how to combine the ingredients at the right time, right amounts with the right amount of effort?

is the same as how to put enough feel, enough control with enough energy, right???

ok, abit pointless. =/

it's been really long.

2008-11-17T19:31:00.002+08:00

after a really long time,

finally...

a little outing. =)

i enjoyed myself.

but hor, i cant k box la.

i cant sing,

i scared of mic,

my chinese not good.

LOL!

2008-11-15T10:49:00.003+08:00

right now, this period.

i really got no idea what i really want.

i am super hard to be satisfied.

when i get more of something, i want more of other things.

and when i get more of the other things, i want more of the same thing.

i am so fortunate, yet i am still not contented.

34 more days to Danzation 2008!!

the date is getting nearer, and at a faster pace.

so we must eat more to have energy, then can chiong.

let's treasure and make use of this period to the fullest,

because after 20th december, we will miss Danzation already.

jiayou everyone!! =)

2008-11-08T00:39:00.002+08:00

seriously...

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR MAKING MY 19TH BIRTHDAY A REALLY SPECIAL, WONDERFUL & FANTABULOUS ONE!!!

yes, and oh no.
i will have number 2 infront of my age next year. =(
getting old.

and i really thought you all forgot or didnt know my birthday!! i was really shocked just now, until cannot smile properly for that moment, but inside the feeling is so happy and touched.
and the TAUPOK was damn painful, i almost died.
and my t shirt was taken off. shit! now everyone who was at studio saw my MIAO TIAO SEXY BODY.
and i forgot to bring home my t shirt. anyone who sees a kelly green AAA t shirt in studio, it's mine! =)
yes, i will EAT MORE RICE BITCH!!

really once again, THANK YOU!!! I FEEL SO LOVED, AND I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!!!

never enough.

2008-11-05T20:42:00.002+08:00

can i have 30 hours a day instead?
it's never enough. =/

lessons to learn.

2008-11-01T03:04:00.003+08:00

yesterday's farewell lunch for my supervisor.
table filled with food, entire company gathered together.
6 regular pizza, 4 boxes of KFC chicken, 3 boxes of small drumlets, 3 boxes of popcorn chicken, 7 bottles of drinks, mashed potatoes and coleslaws.
it's ALOT of food!! especially the KFC chicken.
and i ate alot as well.
i had 2 slices of pizza, 3 KFC chicken, 3 small drumlets, quite alot of popcorn chicken and 4 cups of drink. and i could still have more if i wanted to.

therefore, i came up with a conclusion that you will eat more if you stand up.
because usually, i eat 2 pieces of chicken or 3 slices of pizza then i full already.
really ate SO MUCH that i am shocked myself.

and i learnt that 2 sentences can have totally different meaning when a single word is changed.
it's whether you see the glass as half full or half empty.

slackiest working day ever.

2008-10-30T01:24:00.004+08:00

yesterday was the slackiest day ever.

start work 845am, with no work to do at all! no one had things for us to do, but actually they got alot of things to do. then very boring, because seriously nothing to do. then suddenly i got inspiration, and i took a pen and paper and started drawing.

as the clock ticks everyday, we are faced with problems and sometimes things may get messy. but we must always believe that bad times dont last, and something good will surely happen after that. just be sure to sit down, slow down and enjoy the aroma and every sip of coffee in your cup.

not bad hor? i love it when i can draw a story into a piece of paper, rather than writing an essay with thousands of words. but inspiration is hard to come by, i thought i could do this for the rest of the day, but nothing came out from my mind after that.

after lunch, still got nothing to do. so basically, all i did was sit down, stone/listen to radio/doodle.

this friday my supervisor leaving. =(

i hope the new supervisor would be just as nice or even nicer.

2008-10-27T01:23:00.002+08:00

this is for all who are feeling stressed, tired, demoralised, and feel like breaking away.
JIAYOU!!
hope this helps a little, it's the best i can do for now.
and drink enough water, eat more fruits & vegetables, and most important...
try to have as much quality rest as possible.
=)

it's deepavali!!
long weekend, short weekdays.
i like.

Danzation 2008 tickets!!

2008-10-24T01:21:00.003+08:00

Danzation 2008!!
end of this year, end of this year!!
19 & 20 December!!
tickets at $15, free seating!!
click on the above link for more details!!
sms me, msn me, email me, anything me if interested!!
=) =) =) =) =)

guess it's really over.

2008-10-20T02:31:00.002+08:00

i am feeling much better now.
it's been 1 week, and i have not been myself for the past week.
i read some things that really got me thinking.
the day was sure to come, it was a matter of time.

why learn to treasure something that is no longer with you?
what's the point?

it's really over.
can i say that God separated the 2 of us, so that i would be less hurt in future?
but i am glad to have seen you grow up from a 3 month old puppy to a fully grown adult.
and...

Happy 4th Birthday!

it's time to get back to my feet and move on.
=)

2008-10-18T14:16:00.005+08:00

1st week of attachment is over.
cant say its super fun, but cant say its boring either.
overall, quite alright.
i love the people there, because they are all so friendly and nice.
they actually feel bad giving us the sai kang work to do.
i love the food there, because it's cheap.
i realised i spend much lesser on food nowadays. but the transport fee is still a killer.
and have you ever came across a stall that sells hor fun at the price of $2.50 and the portion is the same as the usual $3 one?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

home is so quiet now.
no more loud greetings from you.
coming back home feels so different without you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes i feel, i am nothing.
i hope i am thinking too much.

bye oscar.

2008-10-13T19:15:00.003+08:00

farewell.

i am glad we found you a better owner,

you will be living a better life from now on.

i dont want to let you go,

it's been more than 3 years, almost 4.

but i cant be selfish anymore.

i'll miss everything about you.

life's going to be a little different without your presence.

but i am alright with it,

because i know that you are in good hands.

just remember to behave yourself.

2008-10-12T02:45:00.002+08:00

i just came across this email full of lessons. ok la, only 5 lessons.
found the last one quite interesting, and LOL!

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

wahahaha, not bad hur.
and i also learnt something from this story which is not in the email, birds cant smell. can they?
i am not sure lah, i shall research.
here's another one, the 1st lesson.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

HUH?! i dont understand the morale. but you can imagine how the wife felt when the husband said the last statement, right?
the O___O! expression, with the 'omg! i just screwed myself in front of my neighbour for $800 which actually belonged to my husband' thought going through her mind.

sometimes i do.

2008-10-08T01:08:00.002+08:00

ok, next week is start of attachment.
and i MUST start to sleep and wake up earlier.
no more late nights already, no more snacking at 3am, no more waking up at 11am -12pm.
i shall start doing this starting today.
which means after typing this post, i am going to bed.
yes! i promise, sompa!!

sometimes i do. (give stupid face)
bobby lee rocks!

sorry!!

2008-10-04T01:26:00.002+08:00

to all those who were at the bus stop just now,

I AM VERY SORRY!! REALLY VERY SORRY!!

sorry for cheating all of your feelings when you all so worried about me.

i feel damn bad, i really do.

forgive me please?

sorry.

regards,

joel

what i miss the most.

2008-10-03T00:37:00.005+08:00

it's october already.
time's passing really fast.
and i realised how much i miss my mum's cooking.
i want to feel the effort and love she has always given when she cooks.
but now she doesnt have time to cook, and i always not at home.
now it makes me think, what if one day she leaves this world?
then i will never get to eat whatever she cooks anymore.
so i must learn how to appreciate.
and i will be looking forward to the next time she cooks a meal.

it's okay!

2008-09-27T14:25:00.006+08:00

ok, dont mind the previous post.
i'm alright now. =)
thanks shufang for forcing me to call you and listening to me!
thanks xiubei for the msn chat!
i guess the root of the problem is lack of communication. and i will work on it.
but it will take time.

recently, i feel like i got tired face.
what happen to my favourite phrase?
"dont show me your tired face."
ok, i should really take care of myself from now on.
with my current lifestyle, easy to get sick.
especially when always sleep late, never drink enough water and never eat proper meals.
i am just lucky i never tio fever.
but i am having a very bad nose.

2 more weeks and it's attachment!!
excited you know. because no need go school study, it's abit like holiday but just that you dont get to stay at home and rot the whole day.
happy that my attachment area is at buona vista, ayer rajah crescent to be exact.
near school, that's the main point. all i need to do is just take 74 to school. imagine if i am posted to tuas or some ulu place.
just hope the company's supervisor is a nice person.

FYP's ending real soon. 1 more week of cell culture shit work, plus report (dang!).

damn gross.
freshly squeezed camel/elephant flavoured poo juice.

what hurts the most.

2008-09-25T01:36:00.003+08:00

what hurts me the most, is when someone doesnt understand/support what you are doing even after explaining to him/her so many times.
all i wish is for you to understand. i am not asking for 1 million dollars, all i want is for you to understand, and in the end of the day, enjoy and appreciate what i worked for over the months.

am i asking for too much?

1 word like "jiayou" from you will really make me happy. but i dont feel you, i feel nothing coming from you.
i feel that telling you once or twice is enough, but more than that, it really makes me irritated and sad. it shows how much you care to understand what i am doing.
i really want you to come down to watch me on stage, but after today, i have doubts. =(

the only thing that i am quite happy about is my attachment area (nice place) and my supervisor (nice person).

random shit.

2008-09-24T01:05:00.003+08:00

you know the recent tainted milk incident?
of course you should know. it's scary you know!
in fact, it's very scary. because so many food that we purchase and consume contains milk.
from cake to our favourite chocolate to other stuffs that contain milk etc.
if you are not scared, you should feel scared. that melamine thing is scary.

"Melamine by itself is nontoxic in low doses, but when combined with cyanuric acid, it can cause fatal kidney stones." (quoted from wikipedia)

it is also said that melamine is slightly soluble in water.

"Investigators say some raw milk suppliers, in hopes of making more profit, may have watered down their milk to increase volume and then added melamine, which is high in nitrogen and artificially appears to boost protein content."

i think they use cyanuric acid to make the melamine more soluble in watered down milk.
i dont know why, i read that paragraph, i very not happy leh. super play cheat can! increase the volume then add the melamine shit, just because it will make it look like it got more protein inside and they can make profit. then in the end, babies die.

those culprits should die too. instead of making them drink those tainted milk, i think they should just drink the melamine itself. now how does it feel to have stones inside them?

instead of putting melamine which only makes the milk look like got high protein content, i think they should add this in. got so much more protein but is damn fucking gross!!
stupid cheecheng showed me this video, lucky i wasnt eating.

ok, i very bored.

2 little girls made me pissed off today when i left home. i help them press button so that they can enter lift, and also wait for them to leave the lift then i leave. then in the end, one of them turn back and say, "BYEBYE UNCLE!"
KNN!! i look like UNCLE meh?! i only 18+ years old only lor, where got like uncle like that? even got taxi driver uncle say i look like 16 years old please. the taxi driver uncle then called uncle please, not me.
I WHERE GOT LOOK LIKE UNCLE?! HURHURHURHURHURHUR????!!!!

kids these days ar, they should open their eyes big big please.
no big no small ar they all. anyhow call me uncle...i where got look like uncle please?!
just say a 'byebye' enough already what, why must put uncle behind?

i am glad!

2008-09-22T11:01:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday to Mia!!
i dont have photo with you. but i know i got take photo with you! but i dont know the photo with who.

you know, i am happy! =)
that heart:heart session. i am very happy i got closer to all of you all. and i've got to know you guys more that night.
it was a very matured session. and it was the very first i had, all those sessions i had with my other friends were mostly about bitching. and after that session, i realised i really do love you all!!

yay! i am so happy!

drift away.

2008-09-20T02:02:00.002+08:00

within 1 year, so many things had happened.
my life is so different as compared to last year.
so much change within 1 year.
i feel that i have drifted away.
you know, it's damn sad when you see your friend whom you were quite close with, never notice you and just say a 'hi' when you tap him/her. and that 'hi' was just a 'hi'. it's not those kind of 'omg! so long never get to talk to you' kind of 'hi'. get what i mean?
you know, i feel so different now. i like my life and everything that i have now, from friends to dance to many more.
but when i think back 1 year ago, it makes me kinda sad.
that i have actually lost and drifted away from people whom i was once close with.
to the friends i have now, i dont want to lose you guys.
i've learnt to treasure.

damn that cockroach that flew into my room when i was closing the window!
tried to kill it by spamming alot of the cockroach spray at it.
but it didnt die!! its legs were still moving, damn gross!
i wanted to use toilet paper to grab it and flush it down the toilet bowl, but then when i see the legs moving, i hesitated.
damn scared when i grab it, it will crawl on my arms.
then i MANed up abit, just chiong liao. then i sit down there with toilet paper in my hands waiting for the time to grab it.
my mum buay tahan, just take the toilet paper from me and just grab the cockroach and flush it.
-______-''

i tried ok!! i could do it one lor! just that my mum took away my glory of ending that kukukroach life.

and the filters finally arrived. now i can continue growing cells. =)
ok, bye.

pale.

2008-09-18T11:08:00.002+08:00

last night...

mum: "why you look so pale?"
me: "because i just got back from pract and i very tired."
mum: "you got eat anot? you look so pale, like never eat like that."
me: "got eat lah."
mum: "what you eat for dinner?"
me: "ban mian lor." (i lied, i didnt have ban mian for dinner. but i had late lunch.)
mum passed me $10 more and says "eat more ok."

how to eat more when nowadays food so expensive? LOL!
but still, mum still cares. =)

ok, abit pissed off with my school's lab.
it's not providing enough resources for me to continue experiments.
no filter, means cannot filter media.
no media, means cannot grow my cells.
no cells, means no extra results.
walau!! i just want more results, that's all.

today is another rest day for me. =)

cleared.

2008-09-15T11:27:00.002+08:00

exam results are out! and i am satisfied, because i've cleared all modules. so it's just FYP and attachment left. =)
and for the first time, i got an A+! but that module is a 2 credit module. but still, at least i got an A+ for something. =)

i thought left 3 more weeks to attachment, but then actually, it's exactly 1 month left. AHHHHH!! ok, it's just 1 more week. i shall not complain.

lesson learnt on friday:
never eat too much or fill up your stomach just nice, before KRUMP!! you will suffer. tested and proven.

yesterday, had dance practises for 7 hours!! 11am to 6pm. and never had lunch. breakfast was just a small piece of chocolate cake. stomach grumbling like mad, energy running out, brain cannot focus and concentrate, and legs super tired. not to forget, feeling fustrated as steps cannot enter the brain and also due to hunger. finally had a proper meal after that and it was good! went home feeling super drained and definitely had a good sleep.

but with a blocked nose in the morning. curse the cold heavy rain!

and i want to gain weight, 10kg would be a good number!!

regenerate.

2008-09-11T11:27:00.003+08:00

a day of regeneration.

tomorrow will be a better day.

dont know how to feel.

2008-09-09T01:18:00.003+08:00

i feel really damn sian. sucks to do FYP!! i just feel damn sian of going to lab and do experiments, it's like never ending like that. and there is final report to start on already. ahhhh!! i want this to end quick. 3 more weeks, all i can do is endure and get through this phase.

i feel damn sad, i feel like an unfilial child. always coming back late. is like i am treating home like some kind of hotel like that. come back just to sleep, then next day go school. can see that my mum not very happy that i come back home late every night. i know she is worried, i know she miss me because everytime i come back home, she sleep already. but then...cant be helped what. haiiiii!! i hope she understands. =(

i feel damn tired. not only physically, but kinda mentally. so many things going on at the same time. i even find my experiments now abit messy already. now everything is like damn messy. muscles still aching from last friday, first time ache until so bad. last for 3 days and still aching.

sian + sad + tired = ???

poster presentation later, hope it goes well. =/

studio life.

2008-09-06T22:58:00.002+08:00

past 5 days have been going to studio for dance practise. entering about 5pm and always leaving late at night. by the time reach home, about 12am already. i guess this lifestyle will stay until danzation ends. but i love it, serious.
yesterday had krump!! and it's damn tiring, and difficult. and i krump like a monkey!! the feeling is totally weird weird one. now my arms, chest and shoulder there all aching like mad. must practise on the basics!!
i hope i will be able to cope and juggle dance & FYP properly. just worried only.
just now went to watch suntec dance 2008. super sian, because it rained halfway. when the good part coming already then start to rain. then in the end, have to stand under shelter and watch from far far away. totally not enjoyable at all. then after that went home, because no money spend. and the long train journey really pissed me off.
i am glad i am back home, in my room, with air con on. =)

keep on trying.

2008-09-03T02:02:00.002+08:00

if you cant do it the first time, try again.
if you cant do it the second time, try again.
if you cant do it the third time, try again.

if you cant do it after doing it 100 times, try again.
just keep trying, even if it takes you 3 days to master something.
practise, practise, practise!

I CAN DO IT!!

NRA freshie's camp 2008!

2008-09-01T09:45:00.004+08:00

NRA Freshies' Camp 2008!

it was a great experience to be in camp comm, although it was my first.

i've learnt alot along the way, from planning to the actual camp.

thank you for giving me this chance to be part of the camp comm!

thank you for all of your guidance and support!

thank you for the laughters, it really lift up our spirits just by laughing for a few seconds!

thank you camp comm!! =)

rest day for jelly legs.

2008-08-26T02:28:00.002+08:00

back to 'dance almost everyday' life. =)
had junchao item on sunday. very tiring, after the whole thing my legs damn tired, like jelly like that. then very hard to focus also. stretching before that was also X____X. i feel my body became super rusty after 3 weeks of no dance.
had bboy item on monday. quite fun actually, but then again, damn tiring.
seriously got alot to practise on. so must slowly work on it.
ok, today is rest day. i dont care!! spam yoko yoko & counterpain.
tired, need to sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

no more exams in NP forever!!

2008-08-23T14:34:00.002+08:00

IT'S OVER!!
FINALLY, THE LONG AWAITED MOMENT!
NO MORE EXAMS IN NP FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!

but that is if i pass all modules lah...
i hope i pass all lah! it sucks to come back to NP to study 1 module for 1 semester.
i am crossing my fingers.

but seriously, i am so damn happy.
because can dance alreadyyy!!! 3 weeks no dance at all, never do isolations & stretching! i feel rusty and unhealthy. and Danzation practise starts tomorrow, cant wait!!! must start practising isolations already!! and must start training my strength too. my arms look like chopsticks to me now.

now, i must fully concentrate on FYP and dance. now no more exams, more free already. can concentrate more on FYP and dance. experiments going ok so far, everything seems pretty alright. i hope everything stays alright until september ends!! then after, attachment!!! i cant wait for attachment also! and i cant wait for Danzation also!!

seems like after exams, alot of exciting things are starting to happen hur. but seriously, juggling FYP and modules with tons of assignments which got exams and tests too, is very very shiong.
YES AHHHHHHH!!!

favourite animal!

2008-08-19T01:54:00.004+08:00

Red Fox (Vulpes vulpes)
it's now my favourite animal! i also dont know why.

i like its rusty-red color fur, quite a hot color dont you think?

i love its golden yellow eyes! and its vertical-slit pupils makes it look damn sexy.

i think foxes are very beautiful, hot & sexy animals!!!

ok, what i mean is that foxes look 10000X more beautiful than a loserish lion living in Africa.

and i dont think foxes are cunning or sly animals.
"as cunning as a fox"? if foxes are really cunning animals, arent we, human beings more cunning?
because we know what the meaning of cunning is.
but do you think foxes know what cunning is?

ANT WAR!

2008-08-16T16:59:00.002+08:00

all it takes is just 1 can of coke & my forgetfulness...

to start a WAR WITH ANTS!!

shit!! so now my only weapon is just a long metal ruler to smack their bodies flat.
and i smack until head got headache already.

1 paper down, 2 more to go!!
then it will be BYEBYE to exams forever.
1 week of pushing, and it will be over!

JIAYOU EVERYONE TAKING EXAMS NOW!!

what's this feeling?

2008-08-14T02:20:00.002+08:00

i dont know, i really dont.
chocolate's arent working.
they taste like nothing, tasteless.
why do these tears just keep flowing?
what's this feeling?

fussy?

2008-08-11T22:00:00.007+08:00

my mum says i'm a fussy eater.
i agree, but to a certain extent.
i dont eat alot of things, because i'm particular about the food i eat. =)

1) food must look good!
appearance of the food must be good what. like that, wont it make your appetite better too?

2) food must definitely not have things that i hate. eg. chilli etc.
ya, it turns me off to see chilli on my food. but for example, like camps, their packet food will surely got chilli one, i will still eat the food but just wont touch the parts that got chilli. but i love chilli crab! =)

3) food mustnt smell disgusting to my nose.
one example would be durian. i just hate the smell, that's all.

4) food must be clean.
how to know whether it is clean? when you see a stall that sells food that is left in the open with flies flying around them, dont you think it's dirty enough? and also, the person selling the food must look clean too right? imagine you see the person cook halfway dig nose, what if the nose shit drop inside the food?

so after reading this 4 points, am i really that fussy when it comes to food?
you decide.

anyway, this links to what i ate for my very late lunch which was at 530pm just now. no choice la, got to have late lunch. experiments do until like 4+pm. i ate yong tau foo and it costed me $6!! basically, the main thing i like about yong tau foo is that i can choose. but i dont like the sauce that people go with it, i find it disgusting.
1 hotdog + 1 crabstick + 1 piece of cuttlefish + 1 vege + 1 mushroom + 1 fishcake wrapped with beancurd skin + 1 egg tofu + 1 taupok + 1 "dont know what's the name" + 1 fishball + 1 prawnball = $6 (with beehoon and soup)
i ordered too much, even the aunty couldnt fit the ingredients, bee hoon and soup together in one container.
i told my mum, and her reaction was like O___O.
not my fault la, i also dont know i took so much. too hungry already what, blame it on experiments la. took 4 hours of my time, end up i cant have early lunch which made me super hungry by the time i on my way home.

grow cells, grow! i am happy when you grow, so grow! =)

bloom.

2008-08-09T21:29:00.004+08:00

the seed has grown.
but when will it bloom?
i wonder.

it is possible.

2008-08-08T03:12:00.004+08:00

it is possible. it is possible. it is possible.
i can do it, i will do it, i must do it.
fight to the end, no matter how tired i am.
everything will be alright.

As life goes on...
I mustn't forget, Yeah.
Don't let it go...
I remember this vast land and my friends.

tired.

2008-08-06T21:42:00.004+08:00

i've been very tired lately.
i guess i'm mentally drained.
it sucks to be like this, i'd rather be physically drained.
and things are not going the way i want them to be.
screw ups after screw ups, experiments really not much time left.
seriously cant afford anymore screw ups.
and i screwed up once again today, dropped 4 flasks of cells!! really hope those cells inside will be alright.
i really do hope things will go smoothly this time round.
close to 3 months of experiments, but very little is achieved.

i just got to endure and get through this phase of my poly life.
i need some kind of miracle.
*ends this post with a big sigh...

PHOTOS & fuck school.

2008-08-04T23:47:00.009+08:00

PHOTOSSS!! =)

thanks summer, huiting & yvonne for the photos!

my eyes are getting smaller & smaller...

my eyebrown looks weird in this photo. =/

ANYWAY...

fuck school seriously. it's study break but i still got to go back school to do FYP. yes, fuck FYP. i feel like a slave in school. i dread going to school. but i dont mind going studio for dance. =)

but no dance, means go school and be full time slave. i know complaining wont get me anywhere, but i think it's sometimes necessary to complain. it makes me feel happier a little. i've got LSSS test tomorrow, and my lecturer says it's not gonna be easy. but the problem is, how to study for that module? by the way, LSSS is a stupid module, you got attend lectures held by externals and in the end, there is a test. and the problem is, some of the lectures totally cannot understand one. and some of the lecture notes have full of complicated graphs and diagrams. i am so screwed for the test. sucks to be life science student.

I MISS MY FREAKING HOLIDAYS!! I SO NEED A BREAK FROM SCHOOL!! I TOTALLY HATE STUDYING!! I HATE EXAMS!! I HATE FYP!! I HATE CELL COUNTING!! I HATE CELL CULTURE!! I HATE MY HYBRIDOMA CELLS!! I HATE ASSIGNMENTS!!

i am tired & i need a break. but i cant have it until october. =(

nice outing!!

2008-08-03T11:57:00.003+08:00

2nd August NRA Family Outing!!

first of all, THANK YOU CHIN & MELISE FOR ORGANISING THIS OUTING FOR ALL OF US!!

from 3.30pm to 9pm, we played badminton & captain's ball. even though both were like simple games, but then all of us had lots of fun. and we also perspired alot too. more outings in future please!!

ok, now very sian le. because outing is over and no more dance classes until after exams!! everyday is going to be FYP and studying. totally dont like it at all. but HEY! i must endure this last phase of this semester. because once this phase is gone, NO MORE MODULES & EXAMS FOREVER!! but that is if i pass all my modules la. it's just 3 modules to study, just 3 papers to take. so I CAN DO IT!!

JIAYOU! I BELIEVE THAT GOOD THINGS ARE AHEAD OF OUR LIVES!!

looking forward to Danzation!

2008-08-01T11:33:00.007+08:00

31st July performance!!

freshie item group photo!! =)

i really enjoyed myself the entire time! i was getting abit nervous before the actual showtime. i also dont know why, guess it's just a normal reaction. started perspiring and farting alot(opps!) when on standby. but when the music played, everything just came out naturally, all the nervousness all gone. super shiok feeling!! =)

i am really thankful to be able to perform this time. i see it as a chance for me to improve as much as i can before the actual performance. i dont know how to put my thank you into long paragraphs of words, but still i'd like to say "THANKYOU EVERYONE!!" thank you cash, shufang, baowen & david for helping to clean freshie item steps and formation!! thank you chee cheng & summer for helping me with my stubborn-cannot-stand-properly hair! thank you melise for your concealer! thank you steph tan for your foundation! thank you wangqin for helping me put blusher to make my face not so white! thank you steffi for the khon guan cracker! and thank you to alot alot alot of you all for every small things you have did!!

i had a dream last night. finally, a dream after soooooo long. but it was a sad dream. i actually dreamt about my mum not wanting me to join Danzation!! the dream is like so damn real, i could feel my tears. then after that i woke up, my face was dry. hahaha! i know this thing will never happen to me, cause it's just a dream. and i'm glad my mum has approved of me to learn dance. i can still remember when i told her i join NRA, she wasn't happy at all and could see that she didn't want me to join.

exams are coming already, no more lessons (yay!). in just about 2 weeks like that. jiayou everyone!! must study very hard and pass all modules. FAIL = NO DANCE!! after exams, let's all chiong dance and work towards Danzation!! =D
after 31st July performance & the dream, i'm really looking forward to Danzation!! let's continue to work on our flaws, improve on what we are better at, and keep going up to a higher level!!!

try again.

2008-07-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

haha, i failed napfa.
come on everyone, let's laugh together!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
nothing to be shameful of, i guess.
quite prepared to fail anyway, cause i totally never train a single bit.
and as expected, my pull ups and standing broad jump fail.
pull ups need to train liao la. standing broad jump, i missed by 3 cm to pass!!
dont know why always like that one, improve but still not enough to pass.
sit ups actually can get A de, but then i dont know what is the number to get A, then when i reach 40 i asked my partner, "how many sit ups to get A ar?"
then he dont know the answer, then when i do 1 more, just nice time's up. in the end, i needed 42 to get an A. =(
shuttle run, the most amazing thing. sec 4 timing = 11.2 secs. today's timing = 9.9 secs!!
i got shocked dao, serious!
2.4 km totally never train at all. timing only 11.59. and it's not good at all, cause it's a D. although i was one of the first few to finish. i was aiming 10.30.
OK! need to train my strength and jumping. must make sure i get silver, or better still gold! quite sian la, 3 stations i got gold, then 2.4km got silver but a sucky silver, then pull up and stranding broad jump nothing at all.
i believe i can do it. i just got to be disciplined, not lazy & determined to not want to go army 2 months earlier.

YOU KNOW! I WANT TO SPEND THAT EXTRA 2 MONTHS TO IMPROVE IN DANCE!!
and not enter army earlier and get screwed more.

anyway, thanks to those examiners who slowly took their own sweet time to return our student cards, i had to miss dance class today. =(
but in the end, i still wanted to go studio, cause my heart will itchy if i dont at least go practise abit on basics and learn what was taught for choreo.

ok, my body is gonna ache like mad tomorrow.
and my left foot got blister.
31st July performance coming!!
jiayou everyone! jiayou freshie item! jiayou just fine! jiayou church! jiayou bboy item!

MIND OVER BODY!!!

2008-07-29T00:26:00.002+08:00

OMG!! NAPFA IS LATER!! AND RIGHT AFTER NAPFA WILL BE DANCE CLASS!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
I SUPER SCARED OF PULL UPS & STANDING BROAD JUMP!!
THEY ARE MY WEAKEST STATIONS!!!

OK, I DONT CARE LIAO.
I AM GONNA WRITE 3 WORDS ON MY ARM BEFORE I DO NAPFA.
MIND OVER BODY!!!
JUST GONNA CHIONG LATER!!
FOR SILVER, FOR MY FUTURE HAPPINESS!!

i shall rest my body now.
tomorrow sure very tiring one.
let's hope i dont faint during dance tomorrow.

UP!

2008-07-26T20:47:00.004+08:00

went to watch TP production yesterday.

seriously, i got shocked dao.

i really do feel that they have improved alot since the last production.

their showmanship is really good!

personally, i enjoyed the show.

it's scary how fast people improve so much.

all the more i must jiayou!

31 july is coming!! full rehearsals!! performance!!

will be entering another busy week again.

to think that most assignments have been cleared, another 2 assignments popped out yesterday.

WHEN IS IT GONNA END?!

but good thing is, NO MORE IS MODULES FOREVER!

feelings:

everyone has their own limit.

i hate the way you talk to me and it got me really fustrated yesterday.

and to be able to tolerate this from you for so many months, i think my patience is really really good.

i am no longer angry already, i just dont feel like talking to you at all.

petty? i totally dont agree. because i got every right to get angry with the way you talk to me.

you just dont understand how people feel when you talk.

whatever it is, i will not talk to you, unless it's important.

what's the point of talking to you? i see no point at all.

because the replies i get are usually in a not nice tone.

calcium craze?

2008-07-23T01:43:00.002+08:00

i dont know whats wrong with me.
because, i just finished drinking 3/4 bottle of chocolate milk without me realizing, until it was empty.
it's not 1 cup leh, it's 3/4 bottle!!
i'm addicted to milk. from fresh milk, to chocolate milk, to strawberry milk, to soybean milk.
i really wonder what is added inside the milk that makes me so addicted to it.

let's hope i dont lao sai k.
if i really do, is there a rehab centre to break this addiction?
if have, please help me. =)

gambatte joel!

2008-07-21T02:13:00.003+08:00

i cant sleep.
i slept too much just now.
and i had too little sleep last night.

ok, anyway, i'll blog myself to sleep.
i got a feeling that i will PMS later.
no, it's Pissed Monday Syndrome. it's a monday thing, not a girl thing.
ok nvm.

anyway, this month really is a busy busy month.
and next month will be busier.
and the busy thing will continue all the way till end of year?
who knows, even next year, until i graduate.
assignments after assignments, FYP FYP FYP.
havent trained a single bit of napfa, yes i am damn screwed.
31 july performance is drawing nearer and nearer. and i'm very broke. alot to spend on, t-shirts, bottoms, shoes. i feel guilty getting money from my mother these few days and can see that my mum really trying very hard to spend less.
august, exams and then freshie camp!!
juggling alot of things at the same time altogether.
oh crap, there's final report to start on already!!
after exams, is chiong FYP all the way till october when attachment start.
hopefully, everything stays fine. supervisor quite happy from the last meeting. but then, the cells are growing abit weird weird. maybe it's normal during adaptation period, to have inconsistent weird growth.
alot of people are going through this phase where they just want to breakaway from all the projects and stuff. it's really tiring. jiayou to everyone going through the same shit!! we will pull through this pile of mountain of crappy shit!
i hope i will be posted to heaven when doing attachment.
heaven as in, workplace is nice, staff are friendly, supervisor is understanding, and everything nice. ok, i'm just dreaming. but you never know, maybe such heavenly workplace do exist in singapore. just got to cross your fingers, hope and see how lucky you are.
end of the year, danzation!!! i cant wait, seriously. but i'm worried at the same time. because i will be having attachment around that period, which means, i got to rush to school after attachment. who knows, may even miss some practises due to clashing of time.
but i believe i can do it!!

ok, i've blogged quite abit. i shall sleep.

some random thoughts.

2008-07-16T23:47:00.002+08:00

random thoughts:

1) time is flying again!

2) mental training, it's hard trying to stay focus when tired. but it's possible.

3) i so dont feel like seeing supervisor about FYP.

4) drinking milk/soybean milk everyday really makes you shit well.

5) i dont know if i can do it well, but i will give my best.

6) assignments are like never ending!!

7) i am freaking poor.

8) i hate deepview (a stupid software used in 1 of the modules i'm taking this semester.)

9) i really think i think alot sometimes.

10) i need strength for control and i need to train for strength.

11) supervisor almost scared me to death when he emailed me.

12) i am glad that my efforts arent wasted.

13) my musicality sucks.

karma.

2008-07-12T23:56:00.002+08:00

my orange pencil case, i found it back! =)

yay!

and i was actually quite sad when i couldnt find it since wednesday.
because the pencil case was my birthday gift when year 1.
and i really like my calculator, so much nicer than the SHARP calculator i used in secondary school. super ugly that model.

did a good deed today.
summer, sherlene and i, we found a nokia phone at BK while having dinner after SMU production.
it suddenly rang and vibrated on the table beside us, and got french fries box on top of it.
the 3 of us decided to be good people and returned the phone to the owner. losing something is not funny matter.
the phone got picture of a female. and i thought it was a tranny, serious. it looked like one.
then the owner was a male, cause the voice sounds like one. scary hur, almost thought that the owner is really a tranny. turns out, the owner is really a male, no sex change at all, so the picture is his girlfriend i suppose.
WHATEVER IT IS...
we will have good karma, i believe we will!!
and our good karma will be...becoming dope in dancing. =)

but it comes with hardwork. the good karma will come after that.

fallen down.

2008-07-10T10:25:00.002+08:00

i need to learn how to focus more, even though i may be tired/hungry/in pain/stressed.

what about you?

2008-07-08T00:11:00.002+08:00

Question of the Day:

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

phew! genomics presentation postponed, WISP slides done!!

hate assignments!

2008-07-06T12:17:00.003+08:00

another week gone, and a new week coming.
and i've got hell loads of assignments due on 11 July (friday)!!
it's gonna be a tiring week.

thursday: WISP presentation
friday: CSC assignment, genomics presentation, BMP presentation, LSSS assignment

ok! looks little, but actually workload quite alot, especially CSC assignment.
and i still need to plan FYP experiments, calculate all the shitty cells. experiments, so far not good again, wasted 1 week because our cells we thawed suddenly died. wasted another week, because we found out that the cells that we cryopreserved all died. lucky TSO helped us monitor our cell line.
time is super tight lah!! hope can reach the main part of the project. must believe!!

ok, since got so much to do until end of next week. need to manage my time properly, need to have the discipline. i must slap myself if i procrastinate and wait until the day before then rush everything. actually if i really use the "slap myself when i procrastinate" method, i think my face would be damn swollen already! ok, whatever.

and fuck! NAPFA is this month!! i havent train a single bit!! i think i am so dead. it's high time to start training, my strength is super weak, my standing broad jump is like cannot make it, although i'm tall. i shall go for the test this month, see what i need to improve on, then chiong and take 2nd time! but still, i shall start training.

mind over body!

farewell daphne!! =)

2008-07-04T00:43:00.003+08:00

3rd July!

a day to remember.

i finally became a very BAD student and skipped IS lessons!!!

yes! i'm a very dilligent student you know. i attended all IS lessons since year 1 and my laptop display background is an apple with books, for show only!

i so deserve ADs & GPA 4.0 lah!! =/

went to Terminal 3 with xiubei, huiting, shihua and melise!

go see daphne off as she left singapore to further her studies.

we left the studio very late, like 615pm. then rush to changi airport. the 5 of us in the train played alot of games. then we reach changi mrt, faster chiong to T3, by the time it was like 15 mins before 8pm.

we all somemore got lost, at T3 basement 3 carpark.

chiong like mad! we kept telling ourselves, "must reach there! 3 mins left to 8pm! just chiong! mind over legs!"

and WE MADE IT ON TIME!!!

like really ON THE DOT! when we reach liao, SHOWTIME!!

danced to "Desperate" and chien yen's chicken dance and surprised her.

the last group photo with daphne!!

to daphne: good luck in everything you do! take care & bon voyage!! everyone will miss you. =)

i need to have the fighting spirit.

2008-07-03T00:53:00.002+08:00

i felt so fustrated with myself.
maybe i was tired due to lack of sleep.
wake up call, joel!!
remember 2 months?!

i need to push myself much much more, i need to have that fighting spirit in me!!
what i need now, is rest & yoko yoko.

things are just starting to begin.
ride it!!

Think above the line, Mind over body, The Greatest Shall Serve & the unshared LOVE!

2008-06-30T18:05:00.004+08:00

back from dance camp yesterday!!

at first i thought that it would be a camp that would train our techniques and so on. but then, it was actually a bonding & learning camp!! and i had such a great time over the weekends. =)

there were so much things that i've learnt through this camp, and there will still be more to learn in future.

the games were really really fun, and it's the people you play together with that makes every part of the game fun. and i had to be SAILORMOON for project runway!! my group kana sailormoon, and at that moment i was like "shit! confirm me one." but must enthu so just did it. unforgetable experience. i still cant believe i did that on the first day of camp, serious.

100 secs no NG was fun. must beat the 100 secs and finish all the stations. all about teamwork and knowing your group members' strengths and using the strengths to help the group.

pocky cow was a super noisy game. cause everyone got to distract and make alot of noise. i shout until my voice cannot tahan liao. lessons learnt: trust & listen.

through the "thrashing session" on the 2nd day, alot of issues were brought out and i could feel the pain in my heart. although i didnt tear, but the pain was there and it made my eyes water a little. and on that day, i realised that many had this feeling that i also had, the feeling of being alone. now that i know, i am not alone!! =)

there was also allegra & wangqin's activity too. to learn 8 eights of choreo within 30 mins isnt easy at all. it was really hard to stay focus because of the time limit and also the distractors. at the same time, had to learn the choreo faster than normal classes, which i'm not used to it at all.

serving people & being served during dinner was really nice. the feeling is good. you appreciate the things people do for you, at the same time, people appreciate the things you do for them. it's both give & take. yup, thanks to those who served me!! =)

and there was also Ann's game. split into groups, each group de leader got to draw a card, "deaf", "blind" or "mute", then the leaders would have to teach the group 2 eights for 5 mins. my group got deaf!! and being deaf is very difficult to communicate. thanks to allegra and jaei whom taught us really really well!! being deaf is hard, you cant enjoy music like normal people can, you can only do the steps, but you cant dance to music. being blind is hard as well, you cant see yourself dancing. this game linked to the movie screening. the story of Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller. a really meaningful movie!! it makes me realise how fortunate i am, to be able to see, hear and speak.

on the last day, debrief & writing feedback and also writing "thank you" notes to those whom i really want to thank. at first, i dont know what and how to write the "thank you" notes. until i received one from steffi!! thanks loads!! yup, then after that i started writing a few. and also thank you to those who wrote to me too!!

after the entire camp, i really do feel i've opened up a little. i've gotten to know more people whom i have never talked to before. i have not totally opened up, but time will tell. i believe i will. thanks everyone for everything!!!

i so hate year 3 life!!

2008-06-26T23:28:00.005+08:00

i am super sick of school!!!
i wanna go attachment. breakaway from school life.
and i really regretted doing life science course, should have gone to business instead.
damn!! no point regretting now.

life as a year 3 in lsct = FYP + lots of modules (including IS) + many assignments & projects + no holidays

SUCKS RIGHT?! super no life at all.
if anyone who is taking their O levels this year reads this, let me say this ,"dont believe what lsct people say to you about the courses during OPEN HOUSE."
it's a ball of hell covered up with hell loads of beautiful lies.
it's just like a spider's web, attractive and deadly.

endure joel!! endure!!
ok, i shall not talk anymore about school. it bores me.

anyway, i did some handwriting self test. google it and try out.
results were not bad, some quite true, yet some not so accurate, others were in between.
but the last part seriously made me went O___O?!

"Joel has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Joel's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Joel has regarding sex and physical things. So, his lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Joel is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once."

WTH?! say until i very horny type of person please!!

but my y and g never open up until so left like what the picture showed.

SO I AM NOT HORNY LIKE WHAT THEY DESCRIBED ME!!

let my hair down.

2008-06-25T00:54:00.003+08:00

i've got this...

"HUH? WHERE AM I? WHAT IS GOING ON? WHO ARE YOU? WHO AM I?"

脸!!

i love my unique power. and it's BLUR!!

and i've realised, it's high time to let my hair down. come to think of it, why get so stressed up? it's true that things go wrong, it's ok if things dont go your way, and it's sometimes not your fault at all. sometimes things just happen, for a reason.

master wu gui said: "there are no such things as accidents".

stress is good, in a way. no one likes stress, it sucks. but it's the same as bitter chinese medicine, it's good for us. but somehow or rather, i LOVE chinese medicine, but not ang moh ones.
yah, so must relax. sometimes things are very simple, so shouldnt think too much.

and dance makes me happy!! =)
before that i was like stressed, but after dance, i always feel happy and relaxed.

mad jack again!!

2008-06-23T22:46:00.002+08:00

after so long of not eating Mad Jack, i'm kinda disappointed with the food there.

1) the fries were not as nice as before
2) the servings of the food were much lesser
3) the plate also smaller than before, if i am not wrong

but still, i loved the cake of the day!! ultimate chocolatey!
and not to forget, the company we had while dining there. =)
it's something that we have not done for a very very long time.

this phase.

2008-06-21T17:42:00.002+08:00

this phase i hate the most.
i feel my world's in an abyss.
my mind's in a mess.
i wanna stay strong, i need to.
but i dont know if i can do so.

i feel so fucking fustrated!!
why am i so weak?

fresh start? OR efforts all put to waste?

2008-06-19T19:30:00.005+08:00

wow!! it's been quite a long time since i posted the 2nd time in a day.
definitely something must have happened that made me want to do it right?
YA!! something REALLY did happen.
i really do not know how i should really feel.
because it's not only sudden, but it's also disappointing.

met my supervisor in the afternoon.
ok, first thing in your mind...i got scolded by him big time.
but he did not scold me at all.
neither did he praised me.

but he commented on the data i showed him.
and i realised that there were more things that i didnt know that i should have done. to think things were already going not-so-smooth, things went even worse.
now it's back to square 1! got to restart the experiments, from scratch. all the efforts are all down the drain, all wasted. it's disheartening.

well, at least my supervisor was really helpful to help me plan the experiments for both next week and the following. for that, i guess i should be grateful and i really appreciate his help.
super stressed actually, 3 weeks of experiments all gone to waste. and there's not much time left. although it's said that the process is more important than the results, but there's definitely a point where we got to reach so that we will have at least have something to write in our report right?
at this stage, there's nothing much to write about. and that's what worries me the most.

at least i learnt something from my supervisor today. at least i know what i am supposed to do. i really do hope that after this, everything else will fall into place nicely and that we wont have to go back and start from scratch again.
i guess it's normal. there will definitely be a stage where everything doesnt seem right at all.
but whatever it is, i will learn from it. and i will do my best to make the experiments go smoothly once more. well, no matter how disheartened i am right now, it cant be helped. i just got to make do with the amount of time left. i shall continue to hold on to my faith.

why did i save your ass today?

maybe i am just tired?

2008-06-19T10:36:00.003+08:00

it's thursday already.
school is starting again next week, and i'm so not looking forward to next monday.
well, what have i been doing for the past 2 weeks holiday?
GO TO SCHOOL LAH!!

everyday have to go school do FYP. got to check & count cells everyday, which is super sai kang work. and now, my cells are not growing as well as before which is kinda saddening. from 10% serum to 5%, already can see a difference of the growth of the cells. what's worst, yesterday got 1 flask of cells kana contaminated!!! i hope everything goes smoothly lah, and no more contamination please!
and supervisor called me!! i dont know why, but when i see my phone ring and i see a word "unknown", i always can sense that the person is my supervisor. and it's always my supervisor!!
maybe i have...supervisophobia! O____O
wish me luck.

i dont understand how come my mum keeps thinking that my 2 weeks holidays ARE really holidays. i need to go school everyday and she keeps thinking that i will be at home when i have told her i would be going to school like EVERYDAY even though it's holidays. printer has some serious mechanical problem, and she keeps bugging me to call to troubleshoot DURING MY HOLIDAYS!! it's super irritating! cant she understand this simple sentence "i need to go school everyday, although it's my holidays."?? cant she be more understanding?

and for the past 2 days, i keep having some dizzy spells, especially when i am at home.
i lie down on my bed for just awhile to rest, and when i get up, my head feels like it's going in circles. sometimes i can even feel the dizziness when i sleep, when i turn my head and change sleeping posture. and when i wake up, the feeling still doesnt go away.
weird eh? i dont get this often last time. what happen to me?

i really do feel alone & drifted.
as i walk from 1 point to another, there's only me.
doing things, walking to places, eating, i am alone.
cant be helped i guess.
i dont want to be a burden and a nuisance to others.

to break the curse, i need strength.

2008-06-15T18:32:00.005+08:00

i am so stuck onto this game.
Pastry Passion!!

it's those matching game, you know...like bejeweled.

and i dont know why, i am hooked onto this game.

and i am supposed to be doing projects.

i think it's really damn sickening lah!

FYP enough to kill, still got modules need to take.

holidays need do FYP, at the same time, still got the other modules got projects to do.

ARHHH!! sickening.

even IS modules also got assignments to do.

walao!! double sickening please.

anyway, got game to play is a good way to make you not think of the unhappy things.

yarh, alot of unhappy things going on.

dont want blog about it lah, dont want spoil my mood.

just got to move on and look forward to tomorrow.

anyway, happy fathers' day. =/

strength & faith.

drive to strive!!

2008-06-12T00:33:00.002+08:00

had dance classes on tuesday and wednesday!!
tuesday was taught by JJ, and wednesday by Ann!
love the choreo for both 'elevator' & 'fallin out'.
but i had a hard time trying to catch steps, maybe i'm still not used to the speed.
do slowly, can do the steps, but once play the song, cant really do it properly.
felt like super demoralised because cannot catch steps and do until very sucky. the feeling is like you want to take a knife and slit your throat and let yourself bleed until dry.
then after class on wednesday, watched the video that was taken down during class.
then i felt that actually in the video, i looked ok. but then, when i was dancing, i didnt feel ok at all. it's like i feel that i not only cannot catch the steps, but then do also not nice at all.
WHY LIKE THAT ARH??
i also dont know...

and now i understand.
it's not that i am not good, it's not that i never improve.
i am just not ready for the next level.
it's better for me to stay at a level that is suitable for me.
i finally understand.
and now, there's even a greater drive to strive!! =)
"Its all about hard work. Talent is 10 percent, hard work is 90 percent. A person who goes crazy working on dance whenever he/she goes would definitely be better than one who has talent but doesn’t practice at all. What I can say is practice, practice, practice." - Patrick Loo (quoted from singaporegotdance.blogspot.com)

and i've got big calcium craving!!
milk & aches are good for you. =)

sweet lovely wedding!!

2008-06-10T00:12:00.007+08:00

congratulations to allan & lynn!!
my cousin who is the groom got married yesterday ( 9 June).
and i attended their wedding dinner at Goodwood Park Hotel!!
love the place lah, damn nice please!
food was not bad, fish was fresh. their deepfried prawns with salad sauce was nice!! but i only liked the prawn and not the sauce. i'm not a sauce-y person, lol!
and i love the doorgifts!!! and is not a standard doorgift when everyone will get the SAME thing.
got 2 different types of gifts: 1 nicely decorated bottle of honey, 1 super chio small metal spoon for stirring your coffee. and the gifts are given out alternately!

weddings are such nice occasions!!
both the groom & bribe damn sweet please.
their photoshoot was also very nicely done. their photos were all like damn professional.
wish the both of them all the best!!

some photos i took using my handphone:

love the ambience!!

i got so attracted to the table!!

everything's so nicely in place, plus the rose petals. CHIO!!

their silverware is actually very very shiny.

love the way the bowls are arranged!!

The Big Groove: raising the standard!

2008-06-09T01:39:00.002+08:00

The Big Groove 2008!!
one word, DOPE!

jaw dropped, pee-ed & shitted in my pants at the same time, eyes got foam come out!!
the whole performance was like WOW!!
NRA did a really great great great job, totally loved the performance!!
WCO!! no need to say lah, they never fail to make me pee & shit non stop. not only got foam come out from eyes, even the nose also got.
then got B.S brothers also. yes!! the 2 japanese boys!! they are damn dope at their age. their locking is good lah, plus they make you go "awww!! so cute & DOPE!!!"
wahh, to think they started learning how to dance at the age of 3!! and i think i was still trying to learn my ABCs at that age.
it sure does take years to be a great dancer.
i must be ashamed to even call myself a dancer. yes, even for 1 minute/30 secs/10 secs/1 sec!!

it's demoralising & motivating.
it's time to step up in dance!! it's time to work hard, to do my best!
i will remember 2 months. i wanna see myself improve alot alot alot.
it's time to raise my standard! UP, UP, UP, UP!!

oh ya, met 3 sluts during the performance interval.
they took serene's, beesim's and my seats!!
still can answer us in slutty tone.
walau! come late for show still come take our seats, still come talk to us in slutty tone.
they should die a tragic slutty death.
thanks lye huat for helping us and allowing us to sit with the rest of the AAGLs!! =)
and ya, curse the 3 sluts. =D

in 2 months time.

2008-06-04T15:32:00.010+08:00

common tests are over!!

nothing to celebrate about lah, just relieved that it is over.

the only thing i know is that i wont do well. =(

whatever! it's over already. no point thinking about it, it's just common tests.

anyway, it's HOLIDAYS!! yea, although everyday still need to come back to school do experiments, at least can take a short break from all the module shit.

experiments for FYP, so far so good!! lucky no contamination, if not have to start all over again, from 1 vial. wouldnt want that to happen. now already scale up the cells to T75 flasks!! just hope the cells continue to grow well. although time is running out, but at least things are going smoothly. with that, i am kinda contented. hope the adaptation of cells to 0% serum would end in 2 months, then can continue to the next phase.

can you believe it?

i sold my gameboy advance for just $18!!

yea, to cash converters. made a freaking BIG loss please, the person even wanted to offer $12.

but then, no choice lah. that is the nature of their business. buy from you low low price, sell at higher prices. that's where they make their profit.

and i dont play my gameboy advance already. it had been lying on my shelf for like 'dont-know-how-long' already. might as well just get rid of it.

so you must be thinking, 'why you need money, until sell your gameboy advance for $18?'

here's your answer!! FOR THIS...

yea, ipod nano!!

i've been saving money for this, because i'm not working and i feel bad asking my mum to buy me one. so the only way is to save up loh!

and why i want to buy it?:

1) it looks like a biscuit to me.

2) i need music in a portable device, and a handphone i feel, it's not the best device for music.

3) i hate to push too many buttons, especially when you are trying to scroll and search for your favourite music to listen to.

4) travelling kinda sucks without music to entertain you.

5) experiments do get kinda boring at times.

ok, i cant give 10 good reasons. but i guess 5 is a good number. make that 4 lah, since the first one is kinda nonsense.

and my saving $$$ plan is really going very well. i should be able to buy it within 2 months?

i just got to keep up the momentum.

yea, and my saving $$$ plan isnt gonna stop even after i've bought an ipod nano. it's gonna continue but not as hardcore like now lah.

the stagnant phase

i dont like it at all...

i shall give myself 2 months.

hardwork.determination.focus.time.faith.

2008-06-01T23:40:00.003+08:00

i am so sick & tired from studying. once again, screw common tests!
whole day study proteo can seriously JUST DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, HOOOOO!!!

love this photo to the max!!
my dog ulti-cute right?! i think oscar cuter than serene's baby. =)
haha! i am blogging responsibly.
*serene's baby look like pig.
*my oscar look like dog.
*serene's baby is gay!!
*my oscar loves to hump female golden retrievers last time. but now is tai jian!!

I LOVE MY OSCAR!! although it has no balls...